My husband and I have been married for almost five years and we have two adorable boys. When I first got pregnant, I decided to quit my job and stay home to be a full-time mom.
Hubby is responsible for working outside the home and supporting the entire household.
My husband is a decent and responsible person, and he loves his children and family, but his temper is not very good - it has to do with his family of origin, his parents quarreled and fought all the time, and although they are divorced, they still live together, with constant conflicts, and they even beat and scold their children. This has made him paranoid and sensitive, and he can't control his emotions when they come up, so it's easy for him to blow up at the slightest point.
Sometimes when his son is naughty and bumps into him a few times, he will hit the child, especially violent, and beat the child's body with a bruise.
In the past five years of marriage, he has hit me twice, the last time was particularly serious, blood was seen, I reported to the police, but the police mediation did not have much result.
Now I'm already thinking about divorce.
To be honest, there is a foundation of affection between us, and we usually get along well, but when he loses his temper, the out-of-control look is really too scary, and I am on edge all day long. I'm even more worried that my two sons, growing up in this environment, will repeat their father's pattern of violent temper, so I rushed to seek help from psychologists, what should I do in the end?
Hello friends, I am the answer to the lofty emotions, quite fortunate to be able to talk to you through this platform.
I can especially understand how you feel as a mother, loving your two children so much and not wanting them to be negatively affected by your husband.
A warm hug to you first!
⭕️ briefly sorts out the heart of the matter:
Your husband has engaged in domestic violence and there may be a cycle of violence in his family of origin as well. What you want to do now is break this vicious cycle and protect your children.
⭕️ From a psychological perspective, many people's attachment relationships actually mimic their parents' patterns. Adults need to adjust this old attachment style in time as they grow up.
Personally, I think your husband is still following his parents' ways of dealing with conflict. You haven't been able to create healthier ways of coping together since you got married, and perhaps his attachment to his family of origin hasn't been fully unraveled.
⭕️ So what's the solution?
Suggest that you can try to talk to your husband about the topic of family of origin's damage to children, to stimulate his awareness of being the pillar of the family, and to avoid repeating behaviors that traumatize children in the light of his own experiences. Slowly guide him to understand that the parents' way is not always right, we can have our own ideas and methods.
Way to go friend, and I'm rooting for you.
I hope this little token of my appreciation gives you some warmth.