Sometimes I really wonder if there is something wrong with my brain.
Yesterday, when I was talking to the head of the department about the manager of the department, at first I was calm, but suddenly my expression twisted, and I began to curse the manager mechanically, even cursing her to live a painful life, suffering from uremia or acromegaly. The whole afternoon from two to six o'clock, I did not do anything, just focus on cursing her whole family.
I didn't really have such extreme thoughts in mind, but I told my coworkers that I was going to churn that nasty manager into mush and flush it down the drain.
Although I've never been on good terms with my manager, I felt like I was possessed by something when I said those vile things. What's even stranger is that when mentioning terminal illnesses, I actually turned the conversation around to talk about school bullying, jumping around the topic to my own surprise.
I always feel like a stranger to myself the day before because some of the behaviors are simply out of my control.
My friend, take a deep breath and calm down for a moment ⊙ω⊙ and let the emotions settle down!
To be sure, the fact that you are able to be asking questions today shows that you are good natured, you just tend to get out of control when your emotions get the best of you.
You don't feel relieved after venting, but regret cursing someone for going too far. This is when reason returns. Although you didn't get along with your leader, you didn't mean to say those things, but you just couldn't help it at the time.
If you regularly engage in similar behaviors, you may need to start by adjusting your cognition.
It is often believed that emotions are triggered by events, and in your case, your emotional response may stem from pent-up stress or unprocessed conflict.